My Wife’s Boyfriend

I am not afraid to admit that I am jealous of my wife’s boyfriend. It seems like a natural emotion to portray when another man takes possession of your lover’s heart. And I am not afraid if people know it.

It probably wouldn’t hurt so much if they didn’t parade their affection around town like I didn’t even exist. It probably wouldn’t hurt so much if others didn’t know just how lonely I was.

My wife’s boyfriend is our eighteen-month-old son, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. In fact, it hurts more…because he’s always around. And I mean always.

My wife’s boyfriend satisfies something in my wife that I can not. He is an affectionate companion. He is emotionally agreeable. He is a good cuddler.

My wife has had other boyfriends before, two others in fact. She’s even had a girlfriend. For the better part of nine years my wife has had another in her arms. Meanwhile, I sat in pain off on the other side of the couch with my remote control in my hand.

And yes, ‘my remote control in my hand’ is a euphemism.

You might think less of me to be jealous of my four children. If so, you’ve never sat on my side of the couch. It’s lonely over here. To sit on one side of a large wraparound couch by my lonesome while off in the distance my wife sits with her boyfriend and her other little satellite lovers.

I sit on that couch and think about monogamy. I sit and think about how my body and my soul are tied up for one person, whose body and soul are tied up with all those other little persons. I sit on that coach and think that what is happening on the other side of the couch does not look monogamous. And it certainly doesn’t feel monogamous. 

I sit on that side of the couch, a pathetic little man biding my time imagining just what it would be like if I was alone with my wife. I imagine turning off the TV and taking her in my arms. She’d talk and I’d listen till she got tired of talking. We’d touch and I’d turn the radio up so loud that she wouldn’t hear her boyfriend crying upstairs.

I imagine this happening …but fall asleep before I ever get my chance. My wife’s boyfriend always outlasts me.

And this little nightmare of mine continues to our bed. In nine years I am used to sleeping with my wife’s lovers in our bed, but I will never get used to the beating they hand me every night. It’s one thing for these little Buzzkills to feed on my wife’s bosom while starring into my eyes. But quite another thing to crawl over to me while I sleep and hammer down on my face with their fists.

My wife’s boyfriend can be violent.

Ok, so maybe I have some things to learn from my wife’s boyfriend. My wife’s boyfriend doesn’t drink or gamble. My wife’s boyfriend doesn’t put unnecessary charges on the credit card. My wife’s boyfriend doesn’t even notice other women. I don’t know how he does it. He is constantly around other hot mama’s and never once takes his eyes off his own mama.

And lastly, my wife’s boyfriend never goes to the bathroom with the door open. But you should see how he goes No. 2. It constantly makes me think to myself, “I can’t believe she’d rather spend time with him.”

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 I am Kevin Harris, a father of four and husband to one very understanding woman. And yes, we know exactly what’s causing all these pregnancies! My home life makes me smile and I like to share that laughter with others. Hopefully, you can find a bit of your home life reflecting in my pathetic blog. Like it. Seriously, you know you want to. Just click the damn thumb already. For more of my writing I suggest you visit my favorites page….http://mypatheticblog.tumblr.com/tagged/favorites

Tags: man parenting